aLL[Y]SOn ®

oh well, as to date..i’ve finally come to the conclusion that i’ve lost my sunglass..my one and only sunglass..the one that i LOVE the most and so called my first sunglass…

sigh….i’ve been searching for it, up and down, east and west, north and south..but still couldn’t find it…somehow, after i came back from Singapore few weeks ago, i couldn’t find it liao… don’t know whether i’ve misplace it or someone stole it…

im so sad…it’s a FENDI sunglass and it is also expensive… sob…sob…

somehow, before this, i still hope that i’ll be able to find it or someone will find it and gave it back to me or someone will come up to me and say that i’ve accidentally "put" my sunglass in their car…but no….all of that never happen… \

sigh..i really wanted to know where it is now…how come i lost it…how come it’s not in the car or my bag…. i always wonder…

sometimes, i wish that someone will just show me the event ~ how it got lost…

well, i was really sad for 2 weeks…i know i cant find back the same model and there’re even better model now..but i still like the one that i had…

so, never mind… my heart just ache a bit … haha…

** still wondering how i lost it… **

What’s the definition of “youth” and “young”?

I find myself asking myself this Q so often recently….

Is 25 old? Is 25 still in youth category? Does it mean that when you reach the age of 25 or MORE then you’ve missed most of your life? ( that is if you didn’t do what you should have or wanted to do when you are younger)

I remembered myself in my 18 or 19… I remember that when I was at that age, I’m just like a kampong girl…( if you look at my picture last time, Hahaha..you’ll believe me) I was so blur, nerdy, straight, boring that time! I didn’t even know how to pursue my dreams, how to dress up, how to act, how to communicate, what’s my hobbies are, I don’t laugh, I’m just…just so boring and dull! I do not know how to live life to the fullest! I am actually wondering whether I am living my life to the fullest now……(?????) I can only see question marks, ?????????? all around me…….

So, now, as I look back, I realized I have made so many mistakes, missed out many things, lose out on so many things as well…. But does it matter?

I remember my old school days, where I’m just nothing…I have nothing, (not that I have everything now),… I don’t even know God J

But, what should I do now? Should I pursue my so called “dreams”, “goals”, “ambition”, “desire” ????

Blek,,….i do not know…

I’ve just read one of my friend’s blog today; she was saying that we should live life to the fullest…. I wanted to, to be honest…. But my question is “HOW????”

I wanted to catch up with things that I’ve lost, that I didn’t manage to do when I was in my “youth” or younger, that I didn’t get to buy or try because I have no money, that I just found out or I just realize it “existed”… so many things, so many things I wanted to do… but how???? The question remain…

Am I too chicken to do that? Am I too old to do that? Am I too “not qualified” to do that? Am I ready? Am I persistent enough? Bla, bla.. bla…

I wonder, can I still catch up? If I wanted to, do I have the chance to do that? Do I have the blessings? Do I have the guts? Do I have the resources?

I do not know where to start actually….

I’m at this point of life where I just feel that I’ve loose out so much in life that I do not want to lose anymore!!!! I want to catch up…

But will my age or commitment be a hindrance? I know 25 is not that old, but somehow, compare with 18 or 19 years old, that is very much different!…

So, where can I start? And how?

p/s: apology for my spelling/grammer error

today is a sunny day…too sunny…went out for lunch with colleagues and heard some real-life story from them and it’s funny too… hahaha

2 ladies (both my colleagues) bought 1 dozen of eggs few weeks ago..and then they left it in their car boot for the whole afternoon about 4-5 hours, guess what??? the eggs actually become hard boiled eggs!!!!! telur rebus…

hahahaha…can you imagine how hot the weather is ? from fresh eggs become hard boiled eggs…and i mean hard boiled egg…

man…next time please use UV SPF300 sunblock before going out or dont go out at all.. all you’ll know after coming back from the outside is that you’re much darker…

(:

life is good as usual,..hahaha…was on mc today, so didnt go to work…tomorrow will be a crazy day at work again…sob..sob…

anyway, our TRAC Youth Prayer Conference is near, in fact it is this sat till tues… everyone put in every single effort for this conference…and so far we have about 100 peopke coming!!!! woohooo..Praise the Lord…well, i jhope everyone will be blessed and ministered to…

thanks to the organising team, thanks for holding on nand trusting the Lord..well, i believe God is proud of US!!!!hahaha…

anyway, cant wait for it to come…well, the last 2 conferences has been great..hope that this year will be great too…

well, i must say, it is not easy to organise this, so really thank God for His guidance and grace also, for His strenght, without these..i dont think we can come thus far….

im really glad to be in this organising team..oh btw, we have Jared, Val, Kim Beng, Lawrence, Clement, Wing Hoe, Surain, Kean Chai, Dennis and myself in this team..i must say that we are really on fire for God **ahem** and also, we trust in Him…so to all my brother and sister out there, im proud of all of you and hope that you all are proud of yourself too..thanks for not giving up althought things seems tiring and burdensome…well, i believe we all know that we can find strenght in Him!!!! hahaha…

great…

my 25th birthday has been a GREAT one…in fact, this is the BEST birthday ever..thanks to my bf, Jared, who planned everything and gave me surprises…hahaha

this is a great year though i ddnt celebrate it with my parents and siblings… =)

Jared gave me a watch and guess what? he even sent a bouquet of FLOWERS to agilent…hahaha..my feeling? happy, glad, proud and at the same time, shy…hahaha…the flowers are great, wrapped in pink and maroon paper, the roses? are pink, come with little flowers, white and yellow(i dont know what theyre called)..they’re so BEAUTIFUL, so so so BEAUTIFUL,this is the most BEAUTIFUL flowers i’ve ever received, so..yeah, i was sooooo happy and flattered..

next, my colleagyes, we went out lunch together in queens’s secret recipe…well, it was a great lunch…then haha, they actually planned a surprise party for me at the office, tho not many poeple are there, but i got a BIG temtation chocolate cake, and a RED-heart-pillow!!!and it’s written "LOVE"..well, i guess it simply mean that i am LOVED, very much LOVED by my colleagues **ahem**..thannks to Jas, Chiew chi,christina and margaret…hohoho…

not to forget, all the sms-es and wishes and calls from my siblings and friends..thanks to you all..i am really happy..encourage and touch..thanks to all the youth as well, THANKS to val, kimbeng, clement, kean chai, lawrence, dennis, jason nga..i love all of you!!!!!!!my parents, sisters and brother, even my nephew wishes me as well…so, yeah, this birthday was great…

oh..you know what?another happie thing is this….jared planned a surprise party for me at TGIF..tho not a big party, but he secretly invited saik ee,say leong, steven, and yuteong to celebrate it with me (btw, they are my Dell friends)…hahaha…surprise surprise…never thought that jared will plan all this for me…kekeke…oh well…people in TGIF celebrated my birthday for me too..i have to sing and stand on a chair in my skirt!!!ahh..sooo embarassing…..hohoho…well, they also sangs me somgs and well..it’s just great…

then at night…clubbing at momo…hohoh..didnt went clubbing actually, because momo has no electricity on that night..can you imagine that?i guess my birthday is just too powerful *ahem**

so, well..that’s the night..gotta go back to sleep early because the next day im flying to singapore..

so, thank God for a GREAT birthday and a superly duperly great bf,Jared who planned all these for me…

When im writing this blog, i am actually in Singapore..im staying in my auntie place for the weekend. But this in not just a normal weekend..this weekend i have mix feeling..When I was coming here by Air Asia, i was happy to meet up with yupei(my best buddy) in Johor..then i came over to SIngapore.

i came here for an important event that could change my life if i get thru it..inside my heart i wanted this so badly but at the same time, i wasn’t sure about it as well.

then, Sunday came wheni have to attend this so called life-changing events…lots of people were there, 99% youngster…well, nervous plus wanting to make a good impresssion, i started talking to a girl names Serene..well, she is a nice girl..then i got to know Therese (if i got her name right (= )..so bla bla bla..

i was smiling and talking and at the same time, for the whole 5 hours, well i got my auntie JAmie there to support me at the same time..(which is good)..

then, the time come…i am TALL enough. so i got thru that..then we were split into a group of 10 and we got to answer question…i got thru that…

well, you just cant imagine how nervous we are, then as they called our name, WOW!!! i was like fuh~~~ THANK God!!!

hahaha..then came another round, we need to show our certificates..btw, i think im the only malaySIAN there…hohoho

then this is another round…we got to try out their cloths!wow..i bet i look nice in it..**Ahem**..well..next is face check..i was also scared i couldnt pass this round because i got pimples and blackhead!!!!!my my….hahaha..nervous but i still smile…what to do, got to give GOOD impression…hohoho..

the results is out! i got thru this round as well! wooohooooo….i am so glad, cant stop thanking God!!!haha

well..now is where i am dissapointed..im dissapointe not at anyone..but at myself..i blame myself for not doing my research and homework enough…i missed it, i overlook it…i cant believe myself overlooking this important matter..i am soooooo dissapointed at myself… )=

i was asked a question im not prepared of….i was BLANK!!!totally blank..still smiling but blank and gave all stupid answers…i should have just say "i dont know" but i didn’t because this sentence didn’t cross my mind that time…..i am so so so DISSAPOINTED at myself…no need to ask, i failed at this round…i didnt get thru..all my other teammates, they got it!!!!

sigh…i feel so SAD that i wanted to cry at that time…but i didnt..i was still smiling….im sad..i didnt get thru…

i feel wasted because i got to fly all the way from penang and i got thru so many rounds but i failed at only 1 question..a question that crashed my dreams…that breaks my heart…i am sad…

i know i can still tyr next time, but i just feel wasted….all the effort..most people cant make it thru so many rounds, but this is my first try and i got thru so many rounds, but i failed at 1 question…this is a question where if i’ve pay attention during my geography class in high school, i would have know how to answer…argh..im just so disappointed at myself and i actually felt stupid….

im not sure whether i wanted to try it again the next time they have this event..i scared of failure and i cant accept it if i fail…

this round has been a great disappointment to me…

leaving all my dreams behind and crashed…